Quitting drinking and quality of sleep

Knock on wood, and I'll probably suffer interminable insomnia for writing this, but it seems my quality of sleep is a lot better w/o drinking. For instance, I've only been sober a week and I actually dream. Like, really vivid dreams. Granted, one of those dreams had me messing up and accidentally tasting alcohol on my lips last night, but that's probably part of the process. I also have a slight headache from probably sleeping more than my body's used to. Or the vet bills I'm incurring. Either way, wanted to jot that thot down while I'm thinking of it.

To put the cat down, or not to put the cat down?

Whatever decision I make will have to be a sober one. So will the aftermath have to be. This will prove challenging.

This is really hard

Esp. after the New Year's bender

Sobriety in less than 18 hours

This is really happening. Plus my cat appears blind, or doesn't quite make eye contact. She now looks in my general direction.

This is a lot to handle at once...wish me luck. Continuing to binge on Vanderpump Rules and yes I'm heterosexual. Maybe when I'm sober I won't watch this show. Granted I'm behind, but Shay just asked Sheana to marry him...awww.

Your cat has days, weeks or months - but not years

So there's that from the vet. Plus her eyes are completely dilated, her head slightly tilted to the right and she's lost interest in eating. This isn't really helping, and am making the most of my final three (3) days, with her by my side.

750 ml

of Skyy...almost gone. It's taken...9 hours? I know consciously tomorrow will suck, but it feels good for now. Need to somehow leapfrog tomorrow's inevitable just-kill-me feeling to the 72 hours post-withdrawal, much-better feeling.

Hopefully visiting my parents for Christmas will help with that.

Christ.

The slide continues

Another day of making the "most" of my final two weeks. I look terrible. Feel buzzed I guess even though I'm prolly at least double the legal limit. Just can't quite get to that "drunk" feeling. I guess this is the 1 is too many, 10 is not enough philosophy my ex told me about. Truer words were never spoken. 

Want to take my Ambien now at 4:06 CT because then at least for 5 or 10 minutes I *will* feel very buzzed, but then ltfo. And, my pizza guy might be locked out. 

A week ago I was like...drinking...meh. But that was after a few days of not drinking. I consciously know the hardest part is getting thru the first day. And then the second. For me, anyway, it does get easier after that. Except for random Friday nights and bad days at work. Work...sigh.

Even if I was sober...what does that mean? Waking up bright eyed and bushy tailed...applying for jobs via Taleo (kill me) and never hearing back from anyone. Even people I interview w/ in-person where I think I killed it in the interview. All very discouraging. 

Oh and the last interview I had...I failed because I vocalized - after being asked - that I thought it was weird people in the South pray before Chamber of Commerce luncheons. 

Time to give my cat more meds. She's looking up. Poor girl will probably have a permanent head tilt after her stroke or whatever it was.

Peace.

So...

Tried a sober Monday. Worked til about lunch. Sounds like I'm making excuses and I prolly am, but it is what it is. 

Hard to write what I really feel, because I'm sure whatever I write will be turned around on me at some point, and make getting a job harder than it already is. And of course, if I had a job I would drink a lot less if at all. 

Back to South Park.

Drinking like a fish

And why not? I'm going to quit drinking in 2016 so might as well go out with a bang, right? Let me try and articulate what I'm feeling right now, as I imbibe. 

I don't look as good. Face slightly bloated...will be worse tomorrow. 

Jeans I used to need a belt for now require no belt.

I'm thirsty and dehydrated.

I'm inadvertently brushing up against my gut where maybe that wasn't happening a few days ago. 

Still adjusting to my new *very* single status. 

Finally heard back from those two employers whose cities I visited. They are going to keep looking for candidates.

I'm very alone in the South. Nothing against the South, but there just aren't too many college educated *AND* single people here. Not too many folks with whom I can relate. Vodka somehow numbs that emptiness. Temporarily.

When I first moved down here, my friends who are from The South told me people would be real outgoing-like and invite to me church. That literally has never happened. Not that I would go, but the invite itself never came. 

Back to watching Vanderpump Rules. Hope I can stay awake for Conor McGregor v. Jose Aldo fight as well.

Bonding with a boss who doesn't drink

Not sure how to do it. I failed miserably at my last attempt. 

I do a lot of Netflix and chill after work. He pretty much did everything but. He also thought Obama wanted everybody dependent on the government. So pretty much we had nothing in common. Shortly thereafter, I was fired...so there's that.