Powerful Urge to Drink

It's early evening on a Friday night. Everything I hoped this week would be, turned out not to be. Everyone and everything is pissing me the fuck off. The temptation to say fuck it and pour myself a Skyy & soda is palpable. I have the ingredients a room away. I'm going to try and fight through this, and it might require a Xanax. 

Bottom line - I still don't have anything to celebrate, and abandoning my resolve at a low point might feel good in the short run, but will ultimately make things worse, right?

FML.

Why do recruiters just disappear?

At first they blow up my phone. Are all-too-accommodating as we schedule the first interview, the second interview, the Skype interview, the in-person interview. Then...*poof* they disappear. No more updates, no callbacks. I don't exist.

Look...recruiters. We get it...you're busy. But if you know a candidate has given his or her all, studied the company, thrown on a tie or dress, jumped through all the hoops done all the interviews, they probably want to know what's next. If the client has decided to move on with other candidates, TELL THEM THAT. If it's been two weeks and you haven't heard from the client, same thing. Even if there is no update, THAT'S the update. 

This really isn't hard. Keep people informed. Provide feedback. If we did something wrong, say so. If you have constructive criticism, we'd love to hear it. We're all trying to learn.

When we check in two weeks later looking for an update, just provide one. Even if there isn't one. 

Off my soapbox.

100 Days Sober

Even though I'm still jobless it feels much better overall. My face has some contour and shape to it again, my clothes are looser, my alcohol-induced distended belly is largely gone and my mornings are hangover-free. Overall, I feel and look better.

That's not to imply I'm in-shape, because I have about 40 lbs to go. And that includes belly fat. In fact I've lost remarkably little weight, but again, things fit better so not sure what's going on. I know at my heaviest and most bloated I was 263.5. That was in 2013. Today I'm ~ 240. Goal: 200. Height is 6'3".

The thought of alcohol doesn't really appeal to me right now. I know on previous bouts of giving it up (Lent) I would still crave it. Even dream about it. But with a goal of quitting alcohol in 2016, it's a little different. I may or may not make it, but I have so far. 100 days down, 265 to go. Or something.

Dating a crazy girl while being sober is really, really hard.

That's all I've got.

Replacing alcohol with...ice cream?

First of all let's just establish ice cream cannot replace alcohol. That said, I am not a sweet tooth. At all. But this year I've probably consumed more ice cream (Haagen Dazs - chocolate and peanut butter to be exact) than I have in my entire life combined. I probably average 2-3 pints a week. 

Does anyone know why this is, or why this could be? I continue to exercise so please don't get the impression I'm sitting around stuffing my face all day. But as far as cravings go...it's very real.

Anyway - it's April. 3 months down. Have a couple of job leads...will see those through. Hope everyone is doing well.

Back from the land of temptation

Just back from my homeland out west. Triggers everywhere, drinking friends everywhere. Staying sober was weird but not impossible. I think it made others feel more awkward than it did me. Thought about caving, but then I'd be letting my zero (0) readers down. And myself.

Lost another whole pound last month. Actually tested negative for a controlled substance today. Normally that would be good, but at a pain clinic that's bad. They are going to send to the lab to confirm. So much for taking those exact drugs YESTERDAY. Maybe I need to ease up on my water intake. I average more than a gallon a day.

If anyone reads this, reply with a "." so I can detect a pulse.

Two months in

Doesn't really feel like a huge deal. Then again, I have avoided some social situations where I would normally drink, just to get some time under my belt. What am I realistically going to do at happy hour with a group of people? Yes I can drink soda water w/ lime for awhile, but my tolerance for people while sober isn't what it is when I drink. Drinking makes people more interesting to me. Either interesting or tolerable.

Continue to look for work and deal with flaky recruiters. Recruiters are all over your shit up until the interview. If the interviewer wants to go in a different direction after that, good luck on getting that update from a recruiter. Recruiters are basically worthless. I'm waiting on one to prove me wrong.

Off to the pool.

Replacing one addiction with another

I believe I'm definitely doing that. The other "addiction" used to be a part-time pastime, in the form of Call of Duty Advanced Warfare. Granted I'm a year late to that party, but it's all new to me. Since I've begun playing on December 20, 2015 I've racked up 5 days and something like 12 hours of playing time. So in other words, in a little over two months, I've spend 5 straight days playing video games. 

Granted, I'm still sober so I'm going to just cut myself some slack there. Yes, I still take Ambien every night (and Adderall 2x day) so Rome wasn't built in a day, but I haven't had alcohol since New Years.

I'm convinced these words will forever go unread but in case I'm wrong, what are your least favorite maps on Call of Duty Advanced Warfare?  I really only have one - Horizon. I just can't seem to get off on that map. Bleak colors and uninspiring map design. Plus I just kind of suck at it. The best map is Riot IMHO.

Less prolific sober

The occasional journal entry, but otherwise just grinding. When I drank I felt compelled to write down every dumb thing that popped into my head. Can see why so many writers are drunks.

One month - 1 lb. weight loss?

So...that was discouraging. Had my pain doc appt today. Weighed a POUND less than a month ago. Granted I haven't been swimming religiously per usual, but I have had a few workouts. This must just be age, because historically quitting drinking leads to substantial weight loss for me. Keep grinding.