Why get the 1L of Skyy when I can get 1.75L for three (3) more dollars?

Sometimes I forget how much alcoholism the ABC Stores (in AL anyway) encourage until returning to my old haunt to eye the vodka prices. From a "more for your money" standpoint it's a crime to leave with anything less than "the Big Bottle" aka Skyy vodka 1.75 liter. You Skyy drinkers know what I'm talking about. 

More on this in a minute. But first, a quick recap:

In 2016 I started a blog called:

Quitting Alcohol in 2016

That is the very blog you've stumbled onto. (How did you get here, btw?) This effort was intended to document my successes and stunning failures to quit alcohol beginning in 2016. Quitting drinking has no finish line, of course. So, it became about the journey.

It became a record of me trying to rectify years of Skyy, Saturday Fundays and my poor gf dating a functional alcoholic. For a time, I was journaling fairly regularly and somehow built up a semi-following while doing so.

How much was I drinking?

A lot. Well, let me back up. Is consuming one big bottle of Skyy vodka 1.75 liters every three days considered a lot? If so, I was drinking a lot. 

I should add that my vodka drinking was always combined with Pellegrino or Perrier (after graduating from Red Bull several years prior) and freshly squeezed lemon juice. So I was a high class drunk, I told myself. 

Slowly, I became a fixture at Big Lots in San Diego (rotating stores of course). I would buy a new Big Bottle every 3-4 days, and would buy literal cases of Pellegrino. And of course, lemons - always bags of lemons. 

Why Drink So Much?

Because I loved it. That was the very simple answer. Some people drink and turn into dicks. Some people drink and become insanely abusive. I considered myself a happy drunk. It just...relaxed me. Alcohol elevated my mood and got me out of my own head - if even for a moment.

The thing is, I had a job. I had a girlfriend. I didn't live with said girlfriend, but I did work with her. Alcohol became my decompression time. My "escape from reality" and it slowly became my obsession. Not stay-home-from-work-so-I-can-drink obsession, but not far removed either. 

Saturday Funday

Every serious drinker knows "Sunday Funday" is for amateurs. Rookies. Greenies. What even is that? Bro, you work tomorrow. Saturday Funday is where it's at. 

I began living for Saturday. Scheduling my weekend time around Saturday. That glorious day where I could do whatever the fuck I wanted and not pay a price, because that's what Sunday was for. 

I should add I had the incredible luxury of living alone and having no kids, so I could get away with this lifestyle. Not everyone can and I fully acknowledge this. Then again, it seems like a lot of people try anyway.

This of course cut into what normal people live for - weekends w/ the girlfriend. But honestly, I had my fill of her from the work week and weeknights where we spent a lot of time together. This arrangement worked...for me anyway.

Dating a Functional Alcoholic 

But of course, this was incredibly selfish and completely unsustainable. At the same time, I consider myself an introvert who needs to recharge my batteries at some point or I become a real crank. So, weekends became me-kends.

As for my girlfriend, she was a rock star, given the fact she basically was dating a functional alcoholic. WTF kind of schedule was this to keep? She was a normal girl who wanted normal things like spending Saturday night w/ her boyfriend. To be clear, this did happen - a lot. But I usually managed to carve out my me-kends somewhere.

This schedule somehow worked during my longest job stint ever - half a decade. (Incidentally, my shortest job stint ever - 3 1/2 months in a "permanent position" - happened during stone cold sobriety. But that's a post for another day.) 

Like all good things, they have a way of wrapping up. If they don't end, you take your habit on the road. More in Part II of The Recap. 

Buying bottle of vodka tomorrow for a variety of reasons

We'll see where that takes me. Let's just say sober hasn't taken me to a great place. So maybe I need to switch it up. Or maybe I need to muddle thru. But one way or another I'm buying a bottle of Skyy tomorrow to switch my brain off, if even temporarily. I'll let you know how that goes. I'm sure it will be filled w/ regret.

Went 2+ years w/o drinking

Then flew home to visit my friends and all the old triggers came back, so I had a few drinks during my visit. But here's the thing: It was gross. I mean...it was *OK* while it was happening, but honestly it just wasnt that big a deal. And even a few drinks means a hangover at this age, which did indeed occurr. Not a debilitating one, but one nevertheless. But most importantly, I didn't beat myself up for "falling off the wagon" because i always knew this day would come. So bottom line: Went 2 years, 5 months sober during pandemic. Wasn't even tempted, really. Alcohol weakens immune system and I was paranoid about COVID anyway. But when I was fully vaxxed and flying home to CA in First Class "would you like a drink, sir?" (honestly flying in FC is the mother of all temptations) I politely said no because I wanted my first drinks to be w/ my friends. To people thinking of falling off the wagon listen up: It wasn't worth it. Honestly, you've come this far, why drink now...for who? for what? Stay strong. You've got this. For me it was more about proving to myself alcohol isnt this undefeatable beast...that I could have some drinks with friends and then stop, which i did. Had a few drinks on the flight home, and then quit before we hit Alabama air space. so my Alabama sobriety is still intact...hell going on 3 1/2 years, in fact. As I sit typing this on a beautiful Sunday in early June, I have zero desire to have a drink. For me I just physically feel better sober, so that's how I'll continue to live my life. This system might not work for everybody, but it works for me...at least in this moment. Hope this makes sense and helps at least somebody.

Well hello again

I legitimately forgot about my blog...apologies to anyone who was actually following it. Sometimes I felt like nobody was reading this so why am i shouting into the void? On a whim I checked in and noticed some folks concerned about my welfare. Im good you guys...still alive. Still worried for my country. And, curiously...sober for over a year. How are *y'all* doing?

WOW - OK so it's been a year and a half since my last post.

Here's my update: 

1) I did have a drink in June of 2016. More or less fell off the wagon for the rest of 2016, but hell Donald Trump was elected POTUS, so I cut myself some slack. 

2) I've cut way back. I no longer drink alone - which has eliminated most of my drinking. I still might (or might not) imbibe if I'm around friends or doing something social. But all of my good friends live two timezones away, and I've been occupying my mind doing other things. 

3) I still struggle with stopping at two drinks when around friends, but I don't really push past 5 anymore. 

4) For me personally (and this is just for me) I found it unrealistic to say I'm never going to have a drink again, because I don't want to give this thing that much power. If I'm out and want to have a couple of beers, I'll do that but I'll stop at two. It's not always easy when you're "feeling it" to stop at two, and sometimes I don't. But when it's over, it's over. I don't go on three-day benders anymore.

5) The reason I don't go on three-day benders anymore is because as I've broken the habit of drinking every day, I got used to being in a better mood, feeling less toxic and having more patience with people. In other words, I missed it less and less. To the point where I almost am bummed when another friend comes to visit, because it's prolly going to interrupt my sobriety. Because that's what we do when we're together - we drink. I realize I can change that and have abstained sometimes, but also imbibe on those occasions and then quickly forgive myself. 

6) Probably most helpful for me is a point system I've devised. My goal is to get 10 points every week. So every day, I get: 

1) 1 point for working out

2) 1 point for not drinking

So for instance, if on Monday I do weights, an hour of walking on the treadmill, and don't drink, that's three (3) points right off the bat. If I only do treadmill and abstain, I get two (2) points. If I have my shit together, I can usually reach 10 points by Friday. But if it takes longer (like a friend is in town) it might take til Sunday. As long as I reach 10 points, I don't beat myself up. If I do nothing else except don't drink for a week, I get 7 points. Then I just have to get 3 workouts in and I'm good. 

7) Again, this personally works for me, but I realize a lot of people can't stop once they start, in which case it's best to just not start.

8) I've realized I was in a very bad place (new state, just being fired, toxic relationship) and I used alcohol to self-medicate and escape. But even before all that, I drank every day anyway, even with a job and stable relationship. I was just a drinker.

9) After really examining my moods, I've figured out that somewhere along the line, alcohol was still fun, but I got very down the next day. Hangovers at my age last a minimum of two days. I don't know if I've developed some kind of alcohol intolerance, or am just old, but it seems inconceivable to me now to plan my weekend around drinking (something I used to do just a couple of years ago). 

10) Professionally, I've opened a consultancy and work from home. I make less money, but also have a lot fewer meetings. I think this has helped me cope as well, as I don't come home pissed off at idiots I work with and bolt straight for the Skyy.

Again, I don't really have it all figured out, but I do like how I feel physically and mentally by eliminating...I don't know...90-95 percent of my drinking? I remember giving up alcohol for Lent the last 8 straight years or something and *craving* it, especially early on. I think I had dreams about it, because I made it forbidden fruit. I no longer have the cravings. If I crave anything, it's wanting to hurry up and get a few days of sobriety under my belt after drinking again.

Hope some of this makes sense to people. Again, I struggle now and again, especially with this idiot in office. But I know if I drink it'll help for a few minutes, but I'll never get to that mythological happy buzz peaking "place" I used to reach in my younger days. I just know I'll feel like shit tomorrow. 

Big Tests coming up

Memorial Day Weekend is a 3-day weekend where I'm normally loaded. Or get that way fast. I mean sun, pool, summer kickoff...and I'm not going to drink? This is gonna get weird fast.

And my Birthday is in another month...and I'll be forced to spend it with someone who normally drives me to drink. She's going to get real offended if I don't drink with her. "It's your BIRTHDAY" she'll scream. "I'm not toasting you by myself!" And she'll have a point I guess. There have been three times I've taken a polite sip of something, just so people don't go slapping labels on me. I might have to do that again.

If anyone has any advice, I'm all ears.

Happy Memorial Day everyone.

Quitting alcohol during an election year

Real dumb...Donald Trump and sobriety don't go together.

4 months down, 8 to go.

Four (4) Months Sober

On January 3rd, at the tag end of New Year's Day Weekend, I took my last drink. One of probably at least a dozen I'd had from that day. My goal was to give up drinking for a year. I'm 1/3 of the way there, with some really hard parts to come. 

I'd been mentally preparing for this day for weeks...months maybe. So when I walked out to the empty 1.75 ml Skyy Bottle sitting atop the kitchen counter the next day, I had mixed feelings. On the one hand I was excited to embark on this new lifestyle. On the other hand I knew I was going to miss my old friend, and have to suffer through the "what the hell do I do now" times of the day...usually 4:00 p.m. onward.

And sure enough, those times and hours did arrive. While I was cleaning up and getting  ready to recycle everything, I thoughtfully drained the last four (4) drops of vodka into my palette before formally chucking the bottle. After all, I had heard somewhere that quitting cold turkey was bad for you, so I'm sure those four drops gave me new kind of life.

So here it is - May 4th. Four long months without a drink. Some observations in no particular order:

1) I sleep better

2) I look healthier

3) I feel healthier

4) My clothes are looser

5) I wake up hangover-free every morning. In fact morning is usually my favourite time of the day.

6) I can drive anywhere I want...day or night. Legally.

7) I socialize less

8) I go to bars less / not at all.

9) I don't get as euphoric as those magical 20-30 minutes after knocking back my first Skyy/Soda, but I also don't get as down the next day.

10) I'm saving tons of money at the ABC Store. As in, I don't go to that depressing store anymore. Not only is alcohol wayyyyy overpriced in this part of the country (sin taxes...God help me if I smoked too). But you just feel like a loser even being inside.

11) My problems are still there. Drinking or not drinking - I'm still looking for work. Nothing comes easily or quickly at  my current pay scale. Although I'm probably appearing healthier on Skype interviews. It sucks not being able to escape my problems the way I used to though. I do miss the tonic alcohol used to provide in that capacity.

12) I make better food decisions

13) I play a *lot* more Xbox. I have a very active / anxious mind and need to be mentally challenging myself a lot. Video games have become so sophisticated since the Atari days, that it now serves as my only competitive outlet.

14) I have less tolerance for toxic people. When we were both being toxic together, it was fun. Now she just gets annoying and abusive. In fact, I think we're broken up for good. While a part of me misses her, the sober, rational part knows it's for the best.

15) I'm less active on Twitter

16) It doesn't bother me to be around people who drink. Flying home for Easter presented all kinds of triggers and habits I could've easily fallen back to, but nursing on my Smart Water got me through it. 

17) I sweat a little less...except when on the treadmill.

18) I still get mad at people/events. However I say/text/email fewer regrettable things.

This is what I can think of now. I'm sure more will come to me. In case anyone read this blog...feel free to share yours.

In a horrible mood

Coincidentally, I haven't worked out since Friday. Today is Monday. Some people can do that and feel normal. Apparently I'm not one of them.

The South is Beautiful

Just like to take a minute to acknowledge how beautiful it is here in the spring. Everything is so green and lush...like being on a different planet when compared with California. You really get a feel for it when watching shows like Rectify and The Walking Dead and other Georgia-shot productions. I didn't know what to expect when I moved here...I was told it would be hot and humid and full of racists. Well, yes it gets really uncomfortable in the summer...ain't gon' lie. But it's also spectacularly gorgeous. We have racists in California too.

And as far as beaches go, the gulf with its clear water, hot/humid winds and cumulonimbus clouds blowing across the sky like it's nothing, is unlike anything I've ever seen, including Hawaii. I hope one day I can buy a condo somewhere along the "Redneck Riviera."